found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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