he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
