How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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