i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
