my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
