he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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