i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
