Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
