ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
