My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
