i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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