he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
