It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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