I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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