Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
