She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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