There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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