Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
