Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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