he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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