so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
