Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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