Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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