I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
