sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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