I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
