Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
