I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
