6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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