The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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