As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
