Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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