Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
