Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
