I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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