On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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