Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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