New low: just hacked my moms facebook
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
