someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
