Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I want a musical about memes.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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