Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
