I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
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For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
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I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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