I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
