Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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