He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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