Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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