Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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