I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
