I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Couch. On fire.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
