Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
