so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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