I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
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I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize