i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Randomize
