i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
