I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
