some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
