Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Is it because I queefed?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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