im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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