You're my little dorito
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
