bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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