Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
